i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
