Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
