I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
