I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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