omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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