Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
