I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
