I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
