I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Small penises have feelings too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
