I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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