Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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