I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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