It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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