She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
