why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
