You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
