I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
