I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
