just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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