So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
