You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so much tequila, so little girl.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
