Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
