Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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