I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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