its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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