end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
