I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
