we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
