I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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