Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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