the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
