His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
