Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
