Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
