saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
