It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
