I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
