I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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