addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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