i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
