I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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