I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
