Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
