Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
