i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
