i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
