is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
