she woke up with a sticky ear
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
