First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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