Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
