R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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