FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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