im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
