If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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