i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
