i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
