I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
