I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
