haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I cockslap morals
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
