drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
